I'm posting this now because I'm tired of looking at this page being empty, I don't think this is done yet, when it is I will create some indication of its finished state.
I'm just some creature on the internet, I don't know my ass from my elbow so maybe don't read this as law. Bear in mind also that this is written for those who already hold kink positive stances in their own lives. I'm not here to convince you that kink has value and is a good and cool thing, I'm here to talk about the ways I'm using it as a good and cool thing.
Kink is so precious to me. Platonic kink especially and that's really the context I want to focus on for this. It's difficult but not impossible to talk about this separately from the sexual components, given that for some people sex is part of a full life and the aspects associated with that can transcend the sexual, whatever context you assign to that term.
A handful of the topics I'd like to cover: Kink as it relates to the neurodivergent, as it relates to surviving/navigating capitalism, in relation to physical disability, in relation to resistance/protest, and of course in regards to recovery from trauma (easily the most boring and tired argument for the utility of kink). And it's worth prefacing that I think the utility of kink as a concept can erode that utility in the first place. Throwing yourself hard and fast, neck-deep in to kink is not wise and will not solve your problems. To be as immersed as I am you have to be on at least a few layers of irony and self awareness, plus a whole lotta trust, and most importantly a partner who uses their position to better your lives together and has a mind for helping to facilitate your self-care.
Next point, general background. Like I said I'm on that post-irony shit, I am cringe but I am free. I'm a 30 year old, it/it's, transfem with an intensely dynamic physical disability where I spend days bed bound. I have extensive trauma both in childhood and in my adult life. My position in my dynamic is as a human pet to almost all of my partners.
Kink provides me with a structure to hang on to; A form of coregulation that I find helps with anxiety, autistic compulsions, and adhd. primarily I find that being under direct instruction from someone cuts through executive dysfunction with relative ease. Where it doesn't resolve issues with executive function it excuses me from it, in that my partners make my decisions for me. Routine is routine; Being given routine where I lack that is 'structure for the sake of structure', which in my case is helpful. Daily reminders become an implicit part of a support structure as my Dominant(s) check to be sure I've kept with routine or special instructions, especially when those instructions have to do with self-care. Many tasks I'm given coincide with things one would normally do in a day. This can provide extra motivation to do things that executive dysfunction is keeping me from doing, because it now invloves a third party rather than only affecting myself while having a more profound (immediate) affect on myself in terms of consequences; I personally respond well to a mixture of positive and negative reinforcement when it comes to habit forming and the assurance that my partner(s) are there to provide an external and slightly more objective perspective. Some examples of components that correspond to this are uniforms, scheduled events like meals or chores, rewards for difficult daily tasks, gentle reprimand for failure or revocation of privilege or reward (where applicable.). Similarly when I am proactive in these activities and report back without check-in it provides an opportunity for my owner(s) to coregulate themselves, I can give them a reminder when they are not being reminded by giving me reminders (bit of a mouthful but hopefully it tracks).
I think kink has also been deeply valuable in fostering effective communication. My owners are able to speak to me in a very direct way regarding requests, especially behavioural. This lends itself to a very granular understanding of behaviour, where many unspoken intentions are laid bare for each of us. When there are conflicts preventing me from resolving requests we are still able to have a conversation which respects my abilities as a person and maintains a base level of my own autonomy in any given situation. It frames the conversation in a way that acknowledges my abilities against their desires. This isn't to say that the dynamic doesn't get set aside during tense moments and (as any respectful and safe kinkster should) there is always the safe word for when the prevailing power dynamics become too complex, which provides a sobering moment to actively consider our behaviour against broader reality and not just against ourselves and our mutual individual reality. I find that my side of communicating how I want to be treated is relatively simple given that the person in front of me understands power dynamics and has experience with keeping a non-human (nh) pet in regards to those power dynamics (I feel the need to clarify that I do not actively seek out partners with non-human pets, in fact the presence of a non-human pet can make me nervous as I may be overburdening someone or it stands as explicit evidence that they do not have regard for the power dynamic inherent in nh pet-owner relations.), inversely I understand how my dominant(s) want to be treated because I open a direct channel to them, and in a way humble myself as I seek criticism.
My disability has kept me from working almost at all in the last 3 years besides some very basic working from home when the opportunity arises. I am only just now able to walk with any consistency again as it was too painful before. I've only had the ability to get myself back and forth from the bathroom and my bed for 3 years. Due to sudden and intense pain, coupled with deleriant pain medication I am almost completely unable to get out of bed many days. Autonomy is not something I am able to cultivate, nor is power. At this point I have little interest in either, the struggle is too futile to bother. I want to trust people without regard for the potential harm they might do, I dont think treating every person as a loaded gun has served me well for the most part. Ironically, I think this arrangement provides a reasonable sense of autonomy. The transactional nature leaves me feeling more secure in my sense of contribution to the relationship and if my partner(s) feel there is an imbalance of labor it's easily addressed through this framework in a very direct way. My dominant(s) are able to preserve my sense of ability and lend me their autonomy in many ways, and this aspect is amplified across more standard power relations. Additionally where I am not able to reclaim power and autonomy I am given the simulacra of it by feeling that I am fulfilling a sense of purpose, I am being useful. This is good enough for me. I would politely decline any arguments about a saviour complex in favor of an argument about utility and statistic likelyhood of survival under capitalism.
Less striking than the means of surviving capitalism, but realistically just as important, are the means of coping with capitalism. Navigating power exchange is extremely daunting to the average and aware person, I find this streamlines portions of that process while holding them in active acknowledgement. It involves an attitude of letting people make their mistakes. In a way a test of trust, but obviously this should be taken with a grain of salt and not turned in to self fulfilling prophecy. Clearly this serves some more routine purposes in terms of catharsis, from simply blowing off steam to complex therapeutic exercises. I could list many of those exercises in high detail to demonstrate how individual actions might correlate but I think other writers have probably covered this in better quality than I can. However i think it's worth mentioning the role that these spaces can play in gender presentation and affirmation. Again only a nod, as I'm sure someone more well versed in the unique opportunities present here has written more and more elegantly than me and I'm not writing this as an advocacy for kink in general, but rather my specific variant of a full time dynamic for the people or pets that it works for.
as we seem to be digressing in to more banal affirmations I think this is where I end transimission. If my thoughts on something develop more or need developing more I may make more posts and as stated at the top you're likely not reading the final product but more of a living draft.